I don't think anyone reads this...and if anyone does, I'm sorry if you read this - I need to get this out though.

I just had another meltdown upon arrive home today and finding my work room completely turned over and reorganized. Sure, it's really not something to be freaking out over and I think so as well but I just couldn't control myself. I have so much bottled up angst and frustration that something like that just put me over the edge. My mom had messaged me during the day telling me she was moving things around to clean the floors and stuff (we're preparing our house to sell), I didn't think she meant she overhauled the room completely...

I've also been having family issues for a very long time, and it's only gotten worse over the last year and a half. It's partially the reason behind why I think I'm dipping back into a very poor state of mind and I just can't control my temper. I can't talk to anyone about it, I actually cannot. Something very disgusting happened between me and another of my family members when I was still very young and I haven't told a soul. I don't know how to open up about it. I should probably seek professional help but I'm really scared to as well. But right now all I have is myself, and I just continue to bottle things up and it just...really sucks. I really want to move out, I hate who I am now and I hate how I have to live right now. There's so much negative energy and it becomes increasingly hard to focus on the positive aspects of life. I feel like if I don't break the relationship or tell someone, the rest of my life is going to continue being this miserable. I feel like I can't let it go and I can't learn to love people anymore.

fuck.